Issue #24 - Am I ready to dive into the dating pool?
Men in black and could you be a matchmaker? ♡
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Hello lovely people,
Happy Valentine’s Day for yesterday. Was yours a romantic day? I loved this wise, alternative Valentine sentiment from thiswomanlifts on IG!
I’ve come an enormous way since the dark days of 2020, the still-dark days of 2021 and through the brighter days of 22/23 to today. For a long, long time, dating was the very last thing on my mind and, to be honest, I did wonder if I would ever be interested again. In time, I started to play a game with myself, where I would try to spot men who I found even vaguely fanciable. Assessing ‘potential’ while waiting to catch a flight in the airport and when shopping in the supermarket were my go-to places for these experiments in attraction and, honestly, it was the most depressing experience ever. There was nobody - NOBODY - and although I would laugh to myself at my secret man-drought, it did start to make me feel somewhat miserable. Let’s be clear, I was never expecting to set eyes on a vision of perfection in the aisles of Waitrose or at check-in for a flight to Heathrow (I think I prefer twinkly/quirky to perfection, anyway) but I was testing for potential - someone with whom, given the opportunity, I might contemplate having a conversation or maybe even a coffee.
And then one ordinary Wednesday morning, everything shifted. I was on my way to an appointment and, running a little early, decided to stop en route for a coffee. The café was busy so I bought my drink (black Americano, less water) and took it out to my car so that I could sit inside in peace and watch the world go by. And as I watched the passers by, my very first, real-life ‘potential’ pulled up outside the café on a bike; dressed all in black (more like a scenery shifter than the Milk Tray man!), with a full head of silvery hair and a spring in his step. I did a proper audible gasp, managed not to spill my coffee and finished by laughing so much at my outburst. I had spotted my first fanciable man - AT LONG FLIPPING LAST! I’d never seen him before and I’ve never seen him since, but, hallelujah, I really felt as though my outlook turned a corner on that day and when I was least expecting it. I suspect that nobody can be an option until you’re open to an option and on that day I’d reached a place of readiness where the lens through which I was viewing the world somehow shifted. I wonder if this sounds a bit woo woo but, really it did feel as though in that moment there was a ‘pivot’ and I like that.
Nobody can be an option until you’re open to an option.
To any onlooker, nothing much has changed since the day of the man in black but inside I can access more hope and optimisim that there is a future version of me who dates and might one day meet someone special. I now feel ready - ready to dive into the dating pool.
‘So what are you looking for?’, a friend excitedly asked, when I announced a couple of weeks later, that I was ready to start dating. Honestly, I had not given this a moment’s thought and her question floored me! ‘A non-smoker’, was all I could come up with; goodness, I had homework to do!
People ask me what’s my ‘type’ and heck, I have no idea. But surely that must be a good thing? I suspect that I can’t be open-minded and also have a ‘type’, so I’m already winning at the game of not making a small pool of available men even smaller. I’m fully briefed that I must not be routing for someone over 6 feet (only 15% of men make that grade) and to have any kind of extended shopping list of requirements in a fraught dating world seems foolish. So here is my specification for my ideal man …
Someone who is kind, honest, thoughtful and fun. A non-smoker (obviously!) who values good health and family; has a zest for life; can process and express their emotions and is a good listener as well as a great conversationalist. I’m not tolerant of people who are flaky or too flashy.
A few people have suggested my list is unrealistic, which made me feel a little sad for them. Shared values feel crucial and I am of an age where I understand the traits that are important to me. But maybe it IS unrealistic?
And most importantly, do you know any eligible, single men (50-60) who fit the bill? You could turn out to be just the matchmaker I’ve been looking for … ♡
You’ll be ready when the time is right for you.
Perhaps having a ‘type’ is a limiting concept. Understanding what feels important to you is a more positive reframe.
Being open to meeting someone is at the core of everything.
'Potentials' sometimes appear when you least expect it!
As always, take what you like, share what you love and leave behind the rest. ♡
Dubai men in my age bracket (50ish to 60ish) are almost exclusively looking for much younger women (SMH, as my children would say), so while I am still living here, I will simply observe, whilst obviously keeping a watchful eye for men in black with a full head of silvery hair! In the interest of acquiring skills (don’t forget, I’ve been out of the dating scene for nearly three decades - yikes) I also went to a Singles Night, but more on that next time ….
The UK will be where I launch myself onto the dating scene and it feels TERRIFYING. Can you help me at all with guidance, words of wisdom, funny dating stories?
Please, please share this email with anyone who might be even a tiny bit interested. It could be just what they need to receive today. ♡
I’m noticing that all of my married/partnered friends are excited to live vicariously through my dating adventures and I hope that you will also find something fun and interesting as I share this intrepid journey. As always, take what you like, share what you love and leave behind the rest. ♡
Sending you all the hugs,
Note - This newsletter may contain affiliate links. If you buy something through any of my links, I may earn a small commission, at no cost to you. I recommend only products that I genuinely like. Thank you for trusting me ♡
I never did find that paragon of 'rightness' but instead found that the single life was much more pleasant than anguishing over the missing X factor. Your man in black would seem to personify your ideal, but you can get the same sensation watching the beautiful actors in Korean dramas (Netflix!). Trust me. I'm 77 now and don't regret a minute. No way would I want any male messing now with my space and emotions.